In Between Days and Our Last Day

Between arrival of our precious, adorable son and him going back to his foster parents we spent every minute with him. We went to bed early and got up with him and took care of him. Held him watched, watched him, took pictures of him, and just basically loved him and spoiled him. During the mid morning time when Clay finally did nap the next day, Matt let me take some short time for me. The first time, a shower and clean the bottles used earlier. We spent breakfast in the cafe and lunch/dinner at the pool. Wednesday, the last day with our child we got breakfast and lunch at the cafe. We spent the rest of the time in our room getting some final pictures and just enjoying him while I am trying so hard not to think of what was coming. See Monday night, Tuesday morning between 3am and 7am Clay for the first time I can tell rolled from his back to his tummy instead of just his side. Then that morning he started laughing for Matt, and I swear he said mama. I was so thrilled. We heard it, saw it first. The last few hours we had with him were spent watching him sleep and playing with him the few minutes he was awake. At 7pm I changed him and when they called we took him down the elevator to where they waited. I couldnt do it. I couldnt let him go. He wanted them and smiled but it hurt so bad. We couldnt understand each other till this lady came by and offered to translate cause someone from the lobby was busy and was taking awhile. I finally got the nerve up and handed him the baby since him FM's hands were full with what I gave her and OH MY GOD!!!! I couldnt say much. I know they will take care of him and love him but it was me I couldnt stand it but I had to. I stayed calm until Matt helped them get everything I gave them to the taxi and they drove away with my baby. I know he is ours but he is mine too. They walked away and I broke down. We got to the room and I walked in, it still smelled so much like him, and the crib and stuff but I cried in the pillow awhile Matt holding me and then I got up and had to go about living. He is ok. They love him, are taking care of him and I will see him again in September for a little while and I will hurt again. But I need to see him. We went to the family room and talked to a couple about a week ahead of us in the process and then went to get dinner. First time all week. We got online. Checked in. And got ready for the trip home. Our baby was happy with us and he was happy going back to them. This way we are not strangers when the day comes and we bring him home, his forever family, a family God has put together. In His Time, I know, but it sure doesn't diminish the pain or the tears. So hurry up DNA and PA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!