PGN Wait

We have been continuously waiting for word about what is happening with adoptions in Guatemala come January 1st and today we hear from Guatemala Congress that adoptions will not be discussed until next session. I have heard that could be next Tuesday and Wednesday and I am glad it is sooner than later. It is a VERY hard wait. Having seen our child, held our child, spent days alone with our child and falling in love with him even more after our second visit this wait is hard anticipating the day we are out of PGN and he is legally ours not just the child in our hearts. I have had since this process started being very supportive and then as soon as the Hague was passed and the question of in process cases continue or not had someone tell me that it is my fault along with everyone else cause of our views on immigration issues. I have been told that I am continuously complaining and yet I have not said a word about how long it is taking. Yes my adoption is taking the normal length of time and going through all of the normal wait times and my sister had a two month process from referral to home but that is nothing to do with mine. I love my neice and I am glad she is home and my sister didnt have to go through all this, but each journey is different and I have no complaints. I have a great agency, a great attorney working for us and doing things the way they should be done and quickly. I have a VERY great God who will bring our son home when it is the right time. Things get hard and my emotions follow a roller coaster but it happens to all women whether they are pregnant or going through adoption. I have never been pregnant but I know my sisters and friends when they are pregnant and the emotions and mood swings they have and I know mine. I experience them more since our journey began than ever. When these emotions hit and I want to cry or just talk it is not me complaining it is me talking. It is me and my husband wanting for the hole in our hearts to come home for good, not being left in Guatemala needing a forever family. I have learned that friends come and go in this process and some that maybe not there all the time are stronger friends than ones you see often. Am I mad at the person who blamed me for being the one to cause the new changes and uncertainty? No. Was I? Yes. Why not mad now? I guess the main thing is cause for the first time I stood up and let the person know it hurt me. I am learning that I can wait even if it is hard and their are days I just want Clay home, but I can get up and go on and do what I have to even if I am sad. I am not falling apart, totally. Do I fall apart on these days? Yes. Today, I am trying to patiently wait for the updated opthalmologist report and medical update and new pictures. I am sad today. I wanted to know what is going to happen come the first of the year when our case will still be in PGN and wondering since that is the case if we will be home before middle of next year or what? I miss the way Clay feels in my arms cuddled up against me, I miss hearing him looking for Matt when he leaves the room and saying "da da", I miss him only wanting me when time to bed cause he knows that Daddy is the one he wants when time to play. We learned that one quick. It was the last night we had with Clay on the last visit and I was exhausted and he was sleepy but didn't want to be put to bed. He would go to sleep and I would try to lay him down and he would wake right up screaming. So after two hours Matt tried. Well as soon as I handed him to Matt and Matt wouldn't play with him he started screaming again. He expected Matt to play with him. So back to me he came. I finally after about another 2-3 hours was able to lay him down in the crib for awhile. I guess I got about an hours sleep when he was crying again. I was too tired at that point so he just went in the bed with us. He slept till 8am at that point and since I couldnt pack his stuff the night before had to feed him, dress him, let Matt play with him while I packed his stuff and then a few photos before the call from downstairs came saying his Foster Mother was there to pick him up. That was the hardest thing I ever did and I can't do that again. This is the wait. A normal wait day. We have been back in PGN a little over a week and have 7 or more to go give or take one or two weeks.

Today is ok, though. I am waiting for pictures and update and planning his first Christmas and the care package for the actual Christmas day. He will have two Christmas Days but that is ok. One with his foster family and then one with us when he comes home. If he isnt home till after his First Birthday we will have two of those too. It is ok to do that!!!!! It gives us something to plan and look forward to and to keep us busy during the Holidays when we will be apart. Please continue to pray for Guatemala, for our adoption journey and the other families waiting, too. We need it.