Venting after getting Bad News

Well, things aren't going as well as I wanted or thought they would. I came home Wednesday sick and wanting to hear good news as Tuesday is Christmas and yesterday I thought we got it. We called PGN and were told we were on the the third reviewer's desk awaiting final signature and so as to verify told our agency so she could check. We were on the third reviewer's desk, alright, but all we received was a big fat Kick Out. For a statement that says we are going to treat the child we adopt as we would our biological child. My word what do they think?? This whole process is hell and I wouldn't dare be going through it if it wasnt for a child of my own. Why is it so hard for people to believe that a person would actually raise another woman's biological child to be able to have a child to love, care for and nurture? Children are a gift from God and it doesn't matter whether biologically or born in the heart they are a gift and a gift needs to be cared for and loved. We will be re-submitted tomorrow with the correct statement and out around February 15. That is 8 weeks from tomorrow and the day after Clay's first birthday. Don't these people care that we want our son home. Instead they keep coming up with any reason just to do it and keep us in longer. I dont care if anyone thinks I am complaining. I don't care right now what anyone thinks. I am hurt. I was hoping and praying we were getting out of PGN and able to come home sooner than later. I was really believing would happen but it isnt to be. God opened this door and for some reason he is letting us go through more than I ever thought would happen. We have had delay after delay along each step and now we get in PGN and that continues. We have started this process by being delayed by USCIS and then before being approved just to adopt from another country I am put on the phone with a reviewer who interrogates me as to why I am adopting? Why I just dont have a baby? Why not domestic? Why not wait till back to GA? This has never been heard of before but it happens to me. Some of those questions were already addressed in the home study and that is where info is supposed to come. Then the next step was first DNA Authorization was delayed cause one person was paid to do a job and didnt do it and had to be redone by someone else. My birth certificate was lost in translation. My cousin died. Then Pre-Approval takes a long time and PGN kicks me out twice. I have been patient. I have waited and not complained. I have just tried to go with the waves but now I am tired. I am hurting. I was wanting my child home in my arms forever. I have went and seen him and taken care of him 100% twice and given him back when all I wanted to do was hold onto him forever. And each day that goes by and he isnt home he is growing more and more and now not even to be able to be home for his first birthday!!!! No one in my family understands they have kids they have had since the day they were delivered and came home or they came home so fast they have no clue what real life adoptions are. They dont know what it is like and yet for that short time always going on and on about how hard it is. Well it is my turn but I cant. All I know is this has taken my heart out stomped on it once more and returned it to say now take it and wait. We have you and you are at our mercy. Still no matter how this sounds it still doesn't come close to say how we feel!!!!!!! Nothing can!!!!
The only things I can find thankful about this process so far is that our son is safe with a family that loves him very much, we are getting re-submitted to PGN quickly and well, that is it!!! Please, God, bring Clay home soon!!!!!!!

Please be praying this is the hardest yet!!!!!!!