I am sooo losing it!!!!

Our DNA sample got to Labcorp on Wednesday the 30th (my mom and dad's 38th anniversary) and I was really excited and forgot their anniversary. Sorry, Mom and Dad. Since then and until the DNA got to Labcorp I have been watching my email like it is going out of style. I just want it there. He is legally our son and I just want him home with me and the US Embassy hasn't even issued any pink slips since Monday and this one day a week emails is so not good. I have been so politically polite and now I am just upset. I want my son home. We started this whole process almost one year ago and it seems like every time we get anywhere and step is over OUR governement slows us down. They have now viewed our file so many times and even now after having 2 dna tests they still do more. What is this? Issuing these once a week so far isnt right. Some people end up waiting a whole week to get an appointment and others get it in 48 hours. I just want my baby home!!!!! Oh yeah, I know there are some out there that will tell me dont do that, you shouldnt feel that way. No reason, too. To those: Have you gone through this? Do you know what it feels like to be in my shoes? If the answer is no then don't tell me that. Yes, God is in control and Clay will come home at the right time. I know that. I believe that, but right now I just want OUR Baby home!!!! He is mine and I should be able to go get him sooner than in a few weeks or two months. OK, I am finished venting!!



We have a praise for one of our prayers, Joanna is OUT of PGN and already has her Birth Certificate and Passport.



Angela has been sitting on Barrios' desk for a week or so now and is really wanting to know what it is for since Barrios has to sign off on everything. Kristi has been in PGN a little over 7 weeks now and doesn't know where she is in the waiting list but is wondering if she is getting out or not!!! Kim is still worrying somewhat as her agency has told her nothing!! Please be praying for all these women and their families as this weekend and next week goes through. Also, please be praying for Annette as she really needs the strength to get thru getting back in PGN and out after her third Kick Out. Please be praying for all my friends listed here and for Mary as she is waiting out the process for their child. This second time is SO Hard on both her and her husband and need all the prayers they can get. Anna needs prayers to as Pablo is now realizing this is a permanent change and nights aren't easy. Pablo needs prayers as it is hard on him also. Thank you for your prayers.



Last night we got alot of snow and when Matt got home from work he took a few pictures that I will be posting here. This type weather really makes us want to go home. It is way to cold for us Southerners, here.

Well...... Waiting for updates

The wait continues and this time for medical updates and pictures. The doctor won't be seeing Clay until next week as he has been on vacation. I have to admit I am glad this week is over and next Tuesday makes two weeks in PGN and just a few days until we get new pictures. The wait is hard and I am trying to stay busy. I am just praying that this time in PGN gets easier as it is a long hard wait.

I just have to figure out something to do that will keep me busy. That is all. I will and then the days will go by quicker and before we know it we will be out of PGN and waiting on the final steps to bringing our son home.

Well, that is all that is new for today. Next week will bring good news and Thanksgiving. I am so not ready for that. It is just the two of us for Thanksgiving and all up to me. We will see what happens. I am so looking for Sunday morning. Matt will be off work till Wednesday night and we can go to church Sunday morning. I just don't know what else we are going to do. Maybe on Thanksgiving we can go see "August Rush". I been wanting to see that and believe it will be a good movie. Well, I am going for now and will check back later. Please continue praying for some reason this week is really hard and I miss Clay so VERY much!!!!!!

PGN Wait

We have been continuously waiting for word about what is happening with adoptions in Guatemala come January 1st and today we hear from Guatemala Congress that adoptions will not be discussed until next session. I have heard that could be next Tuesday and Wednesday and I am glad it is sooner than later. It is a VERY hard wait. Having seen our child, held our child, spent days alone with our child and falling in love with him even more after our second visit this wait is hard anticipating the day we are out of PGN and he is legally ours not just the child in our hearts. I have had since this process started being very supportive and then as soon as the Hague was passed and the question of in process cases continue or not had someone tell me that it is my fault along with everyone else cause of our views on immigration issues. I have been told that I am continuously complaining and yet I have not said a word about how long it is taking. Yes my adoption is taking the normal length of time and going through all of the normal wait times and my sister had a two month process from referral to home but that is nothing to do with mine. I love my neice and I am glad she is home and my sister didnt have to go through all this, but each journey is different and I have no complaints. I have a great agency, a great attorney working for us and doing things the way they should be done and quickly. I have a VERY great God who will bring our son home when it is the right time. Things get hard and my emotions follow a roller coaster but it happens to all women whether they are pregnant or going through adoption. I have never been pregnant but I know my sisters and friends when they are pregnant and the emotions and mood swings they have and I know mine. I experience them more since our journey began than ever. When these emotions hit and I want to cry or just talk it is not me complaining it is me talking. It is me and my husband wanting for the hole in our hearts to come home for good, not being left in Guatemala needing a forever family. I have learned that friends come and go in this process and some that maybe not there all the time are stronger friends than ones you see often. Am I mad at the person who blamed me for being the one to cause the new changes and uncertainty? No. Was I? Yes. Why not mad now? I guess the main thing is cause for the first time I stood up and let the person know it hurt me. I am learning that I can wait even if it is hard and their are days I just want Clay home, but I can get up and go on and do what I have to even if I am sad. I am not falling apart, totally. Do I fall apart on these days? Yes. Today, I am trying to patiently wait for the updated opthalmologist report and medical update and new pictures. I am sad today. I wanted to know what is going to happen come the first of the year when our case will still be in PGN and wondering since that is the case if we will be home before middle of next year or what? I miss the way Clay feels in my arms cuddled up against me, I miss hearing him looking for Matt when he leaves the room and saying "da da", I miss him only wanting me when time to bed cause he knows that Daddy is the one he wants when time to play. We learned that one quick. It was the last night we had with Clay on the last visit and I was exhausted and he was sleepy but didn't want to be put to bed. He would go to sleep and I would try to lay him down and he would wake right up screaming. So after two hours Matt tried. Well as soon as I handed him to Matt and Matt wouldn't play with him he started screaming again. He expected Matt to play with him. So back to me he came. I finally after about another 2-3 hours was able to lay him down in the crib for awhile. I guess I got about an hours sleep when he was crying again. I was too tired at that point so he just went in the bed with us. He slept till 8am at that point and since I couldnt pack his stuff the night before had to feed him, dress him, let Matt play with him while I packed his stuff and then a few photos before the call from downstairs came saying his Foster Mother was there to pick him up. That was the hardest thing I ever did and I can't do that again. This is the wait. A normal wait day. We have been back in PGN a little over a week and have 7 or more to go give or take one or two weeks.

Today is ok, though. I am waiting for pictures and update and planning his first Christmas and the care package for the actual Christmas day. He will have two Christmas Days but that is ok. One with his foster family and then one with us when he comes home. If he isnt home till after his First Birthday we will have two of those too. It is ok to do that!!!!! It gives us something to plan and look forward to and to keep us busy during the Holidays when we will be apart. Please continue to pray for Guatemala, for our adoption journey and the other families waiting, too. We need it.

Waiting on DNA Match

Well, things are really going well here. I know that the wait for DNA could be as little as a week and possibly as much as two but am hoping that an email or something will be received on Friday. I know silly and may not happen but just thinking after all the delays it would be a wonderful birthday gift. In the meantime of waiting we are trying to survive the heat (it gets 80 in the apt and wont go down till midnight or later when temp is over 100) and I am working on finishing a Precious Moments Latch Hook Rug for the for the baby's room. I dont know how or where to put it as my plans for decorating the baby's room changed as I let Matt pick out the bedding. That is ok, though. Not everything has to match or I could do a small area that is Precious Moments.

Clay turns 6 months old tomorrow. I have a care package almost ready for him. I will finish it tomorrow and get it in the mail to Carol so she can get it to Clay.

Another thing, as of DNA Match Carol said she will see about getting the foster mother to start calling Clay, Clay as that is not his birth name. He will always know his birth name as I am making it a point of putting it in his Life Book. He will have two special names and will know about them all. He will know the name his birth mom gave him and then he will have the name we are giving him.

Well, that is about all for now. I will write more and as I finish the rug I am working on I may even post it. I dont know yet. Well, Talk later.

Frustrated and Hurt

What a week!!! Last week surely was. This week has just been added to that and the waiting is really wearing. I called INS last Wednesday. I just wanted a status report not to be questioned on everything. I dont even remember what I said much. I just remember getting really emotional and being told not to contact them they will me. It could be a week or a month.
We have been working so hard to get to the point where we could provide stability along with love for a child and now to have everything we have done questioned. Every where I turn, "dont you work?" No. "Why not" I want to be a stay at home mom and we decided to go ahead and make the adjustment so that would be one less transition to make when a baby came home. You tell that to some people and they look at me like I must be out of work cause I can't work. I'm too fat. I can do anything anyone else can. What does it matter that I have started the long process of losing weight. They cant tell it so they judge me. Can you believe I was even told during this process I shouldnt be given the chance to be a parent by someone I thought a friend. That fat people are too lazy. Doctors tell me the same thing. Your to fat to have a baby. I am in better health than people smaller than me and they can have kids and be told it is fine go ahead I'll even help you.
I have heard all this and still we work, pray, and strive to be approved. I meet a social worker who approves us for the home study and now, this, INS has a problem with everything.
OK, I am finished venting about the wait. I am ok. Stress released and now the wait begins with a deep breath and praying and begging God for the approval from INS to come. We will appeal if not, but prayers will be answered one way or another. For those of you reading this,please pray.